TOO stressed to think about sex? Well, you’re not alone...
A survey by online pharmacy ukmedix.com has revealed 25 per cent of women and a third of men suffer from low libido – with everyday pressures of 21st Century life mainly to blame.
But what if you could bring your sex drive back with a bang, just by “feeling” your own sexual energy?
Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex: The Art And Craft Of The Female Orgasm and founder of the One Taste Orgasmic Meditation classes, believes that is definitely the case. She says: “Sex is just as much in the mind as it is in the body.
“You need to connect with yourself on a spiritual level for fireworks in the bedroom – and slow things down.”
Orgasmic meditation is described as a practice that is “equally powerful for both partners” – and claims to raise the libido.
Here, two couples who went along to Nicole’s orgasmic meditation class tell CHRISTINA EARLE about their experience and if it really works.
Svetlana and Justin
'It definitely improved our sexual energy in bed' ... Svetlana Suslova and Justin Yarlett
SVETLANA SUSLOVA, a 35-year-old graphic designer from Colliers Wood in south west London, took her husband Justin Yarlett, 36, to the OM session. Svetlana says:
“We have been together for ten years, married for just over seven and have a fantastically good relationship – but our sex life has dwindled in recent years.
That’s not because we don’t fancy each other – it’s more because we’re too tired from work to actually get intimate.
That’s why I thought it would be a good idea to do the class.
Although I was a bit anxious about revealing things about my sex life to a bunch of strangers – something I later discovered we didn’t have to do – we joined an audience of around 80 people, which was a mixture of couples and singletons.
Nicole stressed it was vital to share experiences and emotions with your partner before anything else could progress and that was the key to orgasmic meditation. There’s no meditation as most people might imagine it – it’s more about being completely open and focused on your sexual energy and togetherness.
It sounded a bit out there for me, and I was certainly cynical to start with.
But so we knew exactly what Nicole meant, she demonstrated the technique on stage with her business partner Justine Dawson.
The whole practice is about sharing energy – so men are supposed to get something out of it too, whether it’s a feeling of bonding or sexual arousal.
And Nicole and Justine said that after a lot of practice you can both orgasm, even when only one of you is being touched.
We’ve started trying it at home. It has already started making a difference. I find the whole process comfortable and relaxing.
It’s definitely improved our sexual energy in the bedroom. I have yet to achieve orgasm by it and neither has Justin, but it’s definitely something we’ll keep doing.
I’d recommend the class for people with low libido, couples who rarely have sex and those who want to improve the intensity of their sex lives.”
Justin, an electrician, was happy to go along. He says:
“It was a bit random to be invited to an event where you learn how to have better sex, but I figured it couldn’t do any harm.
Any man – or woman – who says they’ve perfected sex is obviously lying, and Svetlana and I are both pretty open-minded.
Seeing Nicole and Justine on the stage demonstrating the OM technique was a bit surreal but also a turn-on, which I guess is the point. Like a cookery demonstration, you need to see or feel the results to know it works.
Giving really clear instructions and removing all the taboos about orgasm was so useful – I can’t believe it’s taken me years of optimistic ignorance to get here.
It really is about communication, both verbally and through touch and energy, that these things work.
I’ve told a couple of friends and they think it’s a bit strange and probably not something they would do, but we would consider going back again.”
Chelsie and Elijah
'We really want to experience this special state' ... Chelsie Innes and Elijah Garaz
CHELSIE INNES, 22, is a dance teacher who lives with partner Elijah Garaz, 24, who manages pharmaceutical deliveries. The couple, who have been together four years, live in Ealing Broadway in London. Chelsie says:
“When we first got together, we had the time to get ourselves in the mood for sex.
Now we have to grab the time in between work commitments and often end up having a quickie.
So I was intrigued by the idea of an orgasm masterclass, although sceptical about how it could make a difference.
I’d thought it would focus on how we could improve our sex life as a couple, but it was much more about the individual woman and how you can reach a prolonged orgasmic state.
There were parts that felt really weird – such as when Justine and Nicole demonstrated how to have a 15-minute orgasmic experience.
The “orgasm masterclass” day was broken down into four sections; a lecture, a demonstration, a very odd session in which we walked around the room saying “ommh”, and finally the “practice” session. This was clearly successful, judging by the orgasmic noises coming from behind the door of the session room!
The idea is you practise for 15-minute sessions. You’re not allowed to drift off or let your mind wander, but instead focus on that area as you and your partner become “highly connected”.
It’s going to take a lot of practice to feel relaxed and uninhibited – although I really want to experience this special orgasmic state.
Nicole says the feeling goes way above that of a normal orgasm, and lasts much longer.
Both of us feel it’s possibly a bit clinical – surely sex is about spontaneity and doing whatever you want at any given moment?
It did worry me that it was all about women getting the pleasure with the man doing the work, but Elijah says he loves making me happy and that gives him just as much pleasure.
This has made us think much more deeply about the effect sex and orgasms have on us as a couple – and how it can affect the rest of our lives.”
Elijah believes the course has brought him and Chelsie closer. He says:
“I feel the OM class has given us a much deeper connection.
I walked in thinking I knew everything about giving a woman an orgasm – how wrong I was!
I was fascinated to learn just how sensitive different areas of the vagina are, and how women can have this incredibly intense experience, just by stroking.
I also learned there is a strong mental side to orgasm – it’s in the brain as much as it is in the body.
The only thing I feel hesitant about is this practice could reduce our sex life to a series of steps you have to follow, whereas I like to be much more creative and do whatever feels good.
Some of it was a bit wacky – I really had to keep an open mind during the demonstration, and there was no way I was going to practise my stroking technique in front of other people.
Yet I am really glad we both went along and we learned a lot.
As a man, I am going to try to be more thoughtful and already we feel very close – and not just because we’ve had a good laugh about it!”
'The results prove that my technique works'
By NICOLE DAEDONE, Meditation class leader
THE very nature of sex is to bring two people together.
But in today’s world many of us have never learned how to connect on a deeper level.
Phones beep, TVs are switched on, thoughts about work run through our minds.
In many cases we are juggling so many things at once that we can’t even feel our desire for sex.
That’s why I firmly believe we need to get out of our heads and more into our bodies when it comes to sex.
We need to feel ourselves and connect with our partners with no interruptions – in our heads or otherwise - and take things slow to experience what is actually possible between two people.
I was intrigued when I researched into the possibilities of meditation – which is how I developed orgasmic meditation (OM). While meditation gave me sanity and solitude, OM gave me the nourishment of connection – and I knew it was something that could open up the realms of possibility to many others.
OMing instinct ... Nicole Daedone says her classes can solve low libido
OM involves a technique that ignites our vitality and nourishes connection by focusing energy on the most sensitive part of the body. It focuses on sensation in your body and pushing all the clutter in our heads to one side. That is the key to this deeply saturating kind of orgasm. The common mistake is to do it harder and faster – people need to realise deep orgasm only comes when you slow down, lighten the stroke and communicate what you really want.
A women needs to tell her partner what she desires.
She needs to instruct how she wants to be touched and men need to learn to slow down, lighten their touch and take pleasure in each stoke on her body.
In my experience, as you practice the OM technique, you will feel like you’ve discovered the key to a hidden door. Even if you don’t think there is something missing in your sex life, OM will show you a whole new world.
People come to my class for a variety of reasons, whether they lack desire, feel disconnected or simply want more in their lives.
The results are beautiful. We all need to realise that sex is an art form which we can learn with practice.
For more info about OM go to turnonbritain.co.uk
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