Single mum gives up sex for a year in bid to find ‘Mr Right’ – and dumps people if they try and kiss her
A single mum has told how she gave up sex for a year after imposing strict rules on herself in her quest to find Mr Right.
Life coach Jessica Daya has completed 12 months of abstinence and has now extended her celibacy vow until the end of the year.
The 44-year-old imposed a year-long sex ban after her mum died of cancer, but it has not stopped her from dating.
She hoped it would make her more discerning when it came to choosing partners and is encouraging “everyone” to try it.
Jessica has kissed two men in the last 12 months, but broke up with both of them.
She said: “I felt like I was cheating on my celibacy and I don’t want to do that, as I love my sex-free life.”
She vowed to give up sex for a year on her late mother Ini’s birthday – July 13 last year – and said the men she has seen have respected her decision.
She said: “When I sleep with a guy, I fall for him. I even announced my pledge to stay celibate on Facebook, to make it official.”
Jessica’s mum died of pancreatic cancer in December 2015, and on her birthday last year held a party to celebrate her life.
She said: “And I decided to make my celibacy vow, as she would have been proud of me, for trying to change the way I acted with men.”
Currently single, mum-of-two Jessica, from Miami, Florida, recognised her weakness for co-dependent love matches – where someone has one-sided, dysfunctional relationships – after her 11-year marriage broke down in May 2016.
Hurt and needy after they had grown apart, she fell into a relationship with a former friend, which she ended after six weeks – making her celibacy vow just two days later.
She said: “The end of my marriage, followed by a disappointing fling, made me realise how vulnerable sex made me.
“I’m super-sensitive. If I sleep with a guy, I fall for him and become co-dependent.
“Now, I hope that, by being celibate, I can learn to love myself and then make better choices when it comes to relationships.
“So far, even though I miss the intimacy of sex, it’s really working. I feel far more confident about who I am.”
Despite being sex-free, Jessica has still fallen in love twice in the past year.
The first time was with a 29-year-old man who approached her in a park and asked for her number. They bumped into each other again and became Facebook friends.
Jessica, whose two sons are aged four and nine years old, said: “I told him about my celibacy, which he respected, but I fell in love with him just through chatting.”
In October last year, she confessed that she had fallen for him and her handsome companion felt the same, but they were “kissing a lot” and she started feeling dependent on him.
She said: “Kissing felt like I was technically cheating on my celibacy, so I broke it off – although I still love and miss him.”
Six months later, in March, she felt an instant connection when she met a man at the beach and later discovered that he was also celibate before they started dating.
Jessica said: “We kissed, though, and he crossed boundaries, so I had to tell him to back off.
“He said he wanted to marry me and I loved him, too, but we’d only been together for a month.
“Everything was happening too fast. I could see myself repeating a pattern, so I ended it.”
Jessica has started writing a book about her experience and may even extend her sex ban even further.
She said: “I might stay celibate until the end of the year – or for even longer, if it helps me to find ‘the one’. I’m looking forward to some day having sex with ‘the one’.
“Everyone should try it.”
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